How to Date the Right Way

    I am so excited for this topic. I think we have all struggled with dating and relationships at times. Ask yourself these questions: Have you ever been on a date that never ended? How about a date that you were unprepared for? Have you ever been on a date where you both thought the other person was paying? What about hanging out? What's wrong with that? Hanging out won't help you discover and develop. It can often create a mirage of emotional intimacy, trust, understanding, and closeness, when in reality, the two people don't really know each others strengths, weaknesses, needs, etc. It can also cultivate early physical intimacy which should be reserved for after the people have built knowledge of each other, trust, reliance on each other, and commitment (RAM Commitment Model). Through Elder Dallin H Oaks, we learn a wonderful way to define and plan our dates.

They need to follow the 3 P's:

planned ahead

paid for

paired off

     Following these guidelines help make dating into a learning experience. It helps to prepare people for marriage. In class I discovered a brilliant connection to these principles in helping men of the priesthood prepare for their responsibility as fathers and husbands. Corresponding with each principle is Preside (Planned), Provide (Paid for), and Protect (Paired off). We learn to protect and watch out for the happiness of our dates as we're dating and paired off, thus we learn to do the same for our spouses. We learn to help create and support common goals as we plan dates together.     Creating goals and working toward them together is necessary for a successful marriage. We learn more effective communication styles as we plan together as well.  As a gentlemen takes the initiative to pay for a date he learns that he must manage his money and his ideas in a way to support another person's interests and needs along with his own.
     These learning principles are incredible  opportunities to grow and develop. And that doesn't even begin to cover the discovery process in dating. As we commit to more structure in casual dating (sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it!), we can plan dates based on what we want to learn about each other. It's also important to note that no one is perfect. We should also plan dates based on what we ourselves want to develop. Find a principle you want to find in your date or yourself, and plan a date with that person that will help you discover it.
     For example, if Cody and I are just getting to know each other and I want to learn about his patience and sensitivity, I could plan a date where we are exercising. He is in good shape and enjoys that kind of stuff. So if we go on a run or a bike ride, will he go ahead of me because I'm in bad shape? Or will he stay with me and encourage me to keep going? You see how this works? This particular date will show him some things about me too. Can I persevere when I'm exhausted? How do I handle big challenges? Do I complain a lot in difficulties? Can I have fun in a challenging situation?
    Isn't that incredible!? Dating is designed to help us grow, discover what we need and can't handle in a partner, and it helps us to develop healthy relationships. I encourage you to follow these patterns in your own dating. If you feel like there's a lack of balance in your relationship somewhere, plan a date accordingly. It's as easy as that! And never forget that all relationships take work. You can't expect a perfect relationship, even after you've made the ultimate commitment. Keep working hard and looking for the best in your relationship. Cultivate that love every day once you have it.

Resources

Elder Dallin H Oaks, Dating versus Hanging Out, Ensign, June 2006