What I wish I'd Known About Stepfamilies

What I’d wish I’d Known

I am the daughter of a blended family. We faced a lot of challenges! I thought we were a bad family because things were so hard. After class last week I've learned to recognize that all step families are extremely fragile. Here are some of the reasons:

·        Biological parents have a couple years of raising a child before discipline comes into the situation. They create those essential bonds in raising children.

·        Step parents are aliens in the home.

·        Children will be possessive of their biological parent, especially in a family with children of both parents in the home.

·        Parents have a hard time watching someone else discipline their children at first.

·        Step families are complicated. They’re full of subsystems and mixed boundaries.

Instead of trying to make a family perfect right off the bat, give yourself some time. It takes at least two years to establish any kind of normalcy in a blended family. Here are some tips to approaching a blended family.

·        The new couple should create a strong sense of unity and boundaries between them and all their children.

·        Parents cannot let children undermine either parent’s authority.

·        The stepparent should create a relationship with the children before trying to practice discipline.

·        They must create their own family structure, not try to imitate some sort of ideal.

·        The biological parent has to handle the heavy disciplining.

·        Step parent needs to take the role of an aunt or uncle. They need to be warm, caring, and supportive of their spouse’s decisions.

·        Parents have to conference together in disciplining the family. The disciplinary parents don’t decide alone. This supports organization and unity.

·        Don’t be afraid to see a counselor together.

·        Be patient, forgiving, understanding, patient, patient... and forgiving.

It's so nice to understand that step families have their own structure to follow. They don't have to be the typical American biological family. They can't be. Blended families can create great homes with time, patience, and forgiveness. It takes an open heart. You can do it.