Communication

Communication

Communication is one of the most important parts in the success of any couple. The way they communicate will determine their success. Communication style reflects a person’s patience, respect, humility, and many other things. Why is communication so important? People communicate both verbally and nonverbally through words, tone, body language, and other nonverbal cues. It happens all the time, whether you’re talking or not.

Channels of Communication:

   Words                14%

   Tone                   35%

+ Nonverbal         51%

                           100%

Phones, Email, and Skype

            Texting: Isn’t it funny that through text (email, cell phone, chat), a medium quite frequently used, we only receive 14% of the message you’d send if you were in person.

            Talking: Whether through voice chat or phone, we still miss 51% here (nonverbal).

Skype: Even though you’re receiving words and tone, and some nonverbal communication, it is skewed. The main problem is sending inaccurate nonverbal messages because of multitasking, lack of eye contact, and other distractions and technical problems.

Another thing to consider in communication is perspectives. Everyone has different experiences and ideas through which they filter and send communication (of all channels). It’s called encoding and decoding of language as a symbol (or means of communication). In sending messages, we go from our mind, to encoding through a medium (channel) to the person. Then they see it and decode (or interpret) using their ideas and feelings. And the cycle starts over.

Tools & Tips for Improving Communication:

·         Paraphrasing- when someone says something, paraphrase it back.

·         Asking questions- Make sure you understand what they’re saying.

·         Ask defining questions- people understand things differently. If you don’t understand what they mean, ask them to define a key word you think you misinterpreted.

·         Ask them to recode/rephrase the message if you didn’t understand.  

·         Validation- Encourage them to keep talking, that you understand what they're saying.

·         Reflective responding- Reword what they said as a question to make sure you understood.

·         Selfless decoding and encoding- Try to see things from their perspective. Don’t take things personally.

·         Be clear with each other- Don’t expect them to decode exactly the same way you do. Don't expect people to understand subtleties.

What are some other useful communication skills you've used?